Best Quotes From Tim Allen’s ‘Last Man Standing’ as the Show Enters Its Final Season

by Caroline Bynum
best-quotes-tim-allen-last-man-standing--show-enters-final-season

‘Last Man Standing’ featuring Tim Allen is a sitcom full of jokes, political discourse, family bonds, and honest friendship. Tim Allen plays Mike Baxter, a manly hunter and father, whose personality boasts just as much confidence as it does humor. IMBd explains the show simply, saying, “A married father of three tries to maintain his manliness in a world increasingly dominated by women.”

News of the sitcom’s final season broke this week. Tim Allen’s ‘Last Man Standing’ will conclude the series with its upcoming ninth season. As we look back on the show’s iconic eight seasons in preparation for its conclusion, here are the memorable lines and lessons from ‘Last Man Standing.’

  • You can’t keep sleeping on my couch. I want the memory foam to have a chance to forget about you.
  • Everybody gives these athletes a lot of slack. It doesn’t do them any good. I mean 99% of these kids will never play for a pro team or even the Cleveland Browns.
  • The duck was not innocent, he was flying away from something pretty fast.
  • I think the Egyptians had it right. When they died they were buried with all their crap.
  • Mike Baxter: Many times, you got to streamline conversations to avoid the big arguments. We do it all the time.
    Vanessa Baxter: What?
    Mike Baxter: Honey, married 30 years, we’re in the home stretch. You might as well know, I actually like Chinese food. I just, you know, don’t like watching you eat it.
    Vanessa BaxterWow, I have been going without since ’87.
  • Mike Baxter: I know you want me to say something bad about your mom. But honey, I literally like six people in the world, and your mom is one of them.
  • Joe: Translation, when Vanessa says jump. Mike says how high?
    Ed: When any of my wives wanted to do something that I was against, I said no, no, no.
    Mike: Did you really?
    Ed: Yep.
    Mike: That is why you are in the divorce attorney’s hall of fame.
  • Mike: You’re one of my best friends.
    Chuck: How about that, Mike Baxter man of stone is a mushball. I didn’t think we’d ever get you to say that.
  • If we just hunker down in our separate corners, nobody wins.
  • Let’s be honest, if nobody’s talking, then nobody’s listening. If nobody’s listening, nobody’s learning
  • Being polite so often requires you to care about what other people are doing and feeling. Being comfortable, sometimes you just do what you want, and other people just deal with it.
  • Mike Baxter: President Richard Nixon once said, ‘People react to fear, not love.’ Easy for him to say because he was kinda scary and nobody loved him.
  • Mike Baxter: This is stupid!
    Eve: Dad! We don’t use the ‘S’-word around the boy!
    Mike: The S-word is socialism…
  • Eve: Woah, since when did you get all woke? Up until last year, you thought the presidential seal was an actual seal.
  • Mike Baxter: Think of me like the government, just add it to the debt.
  • Mike Baxter: Politicians, politics always change. Sometimes it’s my guys. Sometimes it’s your morons.
  • Mandy: Thanks for voting. Come again but not today because that would be illegal. Come again next time we elect things.
  • Mike Baxter: Look, I pay for everything around here… That’s like taxation without representation!

And of course, this timely quote about show cancellations must make it on the list. Kyle is searching to DVR his favorite show, but can’t seem to find it on TV:

Vanessa: The TV business can be heartless.
Kyle: It didn’t get canceled. Why would they cancel a popular TV show that everybody loves?
Mike: Maybe they’re a bunch of idiots. Just try another channel.
Vanessa: Oh Mike, they don’t just take a show off of one network and put it on another.
Kyle: Hey there it is! You were right Mr. B.
Mike: Is it me or is it way better on this network?

While the show isn’t technically ‘canceled,’ rather it has announced the end of an era with its final season, the quote seems eerily applicable, considering the show’s history. TV Fanatic notes the show was previously canceled after six seasons by its original network, ABC, but then returned with a seventh season on Fox, over a year later.

Fox Entertainment president Michael Thorn says of the show coming to a close, “Millions of families have long enjoyed the show because, perhaps, they see themselves in the Baxters. The loyal affection they’ve shown proves just how much this series has meant to them.” He adds, “It has been an honor to be home for Tim Allen and Last Man Standing.”

Tim Allen also shared a heartfelt message about the show’s conclusion announcement via his Twitter.

Outsider.com