Santa Claus is definitely working this Christmas, pandemic be darned.
In a new video from the North Pole, Kris Kringle told the Associated Press that Christmas is on for 2020, in spite of all the hardships this year has brought.
Santa Uses the Internet
“Welcome to the wonderful North Pole, where I’ve been ‘elf-isolating’ for hundreds of years!” Santa began. “We are in perfect isolation up in the North Pole. There’s nothing really to worry about for us, because no one’s ever been able to find us yet. So we can’t expect a pesky virus to be able to find us.”
Santa doesn’t seem to mind having to send out a video message. In fact, he says it’s actually better for him to communicate with people over the Internet. Children will just have to hope he gets a good wifi signal up at the North Pole.
“I’m also really excited to meet all of you wonderful children via the tippity-top computers, tablets and other gadgets this year,” Santa continued. “As a matter of fact, I find that the Internet is even quicker than getting the letters delivered to the fireplace here. So I actually get the information a whole lot quicker. Easier to get to on the database. And my techie elves can keep track of what everyone wants for their Christmas. Very good.”
A Cast-Iron Guarantee
Meanwhile, Santa had to skip out on his traditional Macy’s Santaland appearances in New York, Chicago and San Francisco this year. That put a stop to a 160-year holiday tradition.
But what about Christmas itself? Santa isn’t furloughed like other workers, is he? He says not to worry. He’s an essential worker all across the world.
“I’ve been designated a key worker in every country of note, right across the globe,” Santa added. “So there’s nothing to worry about, certainly, as far as me being part of your Christmas. That will absolutely happen. Cast-iron guarantee.”