Detroit Lions Fans Roast New Coach for Having Eyes That Pierce Deep Into Your Soul

by Charles Craighill
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After a characteristically disappointing season, the Detroit Lions have decided to completely rebuild. Well, they have been rebuilding for the last 25 or so years, but hey, maybe this is their year. In the middle of the season, they fired head coach Matt Patricia and just a week ago hired a new head coach in Dan Campbell.

Along with Dan Campbell, the Detroit Lions also elected to hire special teams coordinator Dave Fipp. While his resume certainly qualifies him for the job, many fans still have reservations. The reason? Well, just take a look at the guy…

Sure, he seems a bit… intense… but how bad can it be? As one fan puts it, “he’s got a case of the Gase crazy eyes… lets hope he turns out to be a better coach than him,” referring to the former New York Jets head coach.

This fan honestly has a good point. Adam Gase had one bad case of the crazy eyes and he led the New York Jets to a 2-14 season. On the bright side, the Detroit Lions had a 5-11 record, so they can’t get too much worse can they?

Some other fans also joked about Dave Fipp’s soul-piercing stare.

“Why does it look like he’s staring into my soul,” one fan questioned.

Another couple mentioned the nightmarish quality to the gaze.

“Bro I will legit have nightmares from zooming into this guy’s eyes,” one said while another added, “that face gives me nightmares.”

However, some Detroit Lions fans had a bit more optimistic outlook on the situation. One fan said “lets FIPPin go!” while one added “well he looks ready to get at her.”

Will the Detroit Lions Not Suck Next Year?

Short answer: no. The Detroit Lions will certainly suck next year. In fact, they probably will also suck the year after next. Barring some absolutely incredible trades and surprisingly good draft picks, the Lions don’t stand much of a chance.

For instance, the Detroit Lions have already revealed that they will trade Matthew Stafford, one of the only players on the team worth a Pro Bowl bid. Second of all, the Lions play in one of the toughest divisions in the NFC, save the South. They have to play Aaron Rodgers and the Packers twice a year as well as the Chicago Bears and the Minnesota Vikings.

However, Aaron Rodgers has not decided what his future will hold, and the Bears and Vikings look to be on a decline in past years. The Bears did make the playoffs this year, but pure dumb luck seems to account for that.

All this to say, Detroit Lions fans should think long term here. They have endured a quarter of a century of pain, but if the front office can muster up a collective IQ in the triple digits, the Detroit Lions could start to build something reminiscent of the early ’90s. Well, maybe they’ll shoot for something a little better than that, but baby steps…. baby steps.

Outsider.com