TurDunkin’ Stuffed with Munchkins’, Served with Coffee Gravy is Apparently ‘Pretty Good’

by Josh Lanier
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Some adventurous chefs created a Thanksgiving turkey recipe that runs on Dunkin and reviews say that it’s better than it looks. The Unwholesome Food Blog created a recipe for the TurDunkin’. It’s a Coolatta-brined turkey stuffed with Munchins and is served with hash brown-smashed potatoes and, of course, coffee gravy.

The blog makes it clear that this isn’t a turducken — a turkey stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a duck — which the writers call a “meaty mess.” Though the TurDunkin’ doesn’t look much better. Moreover, from first glance, it appears to be an unholy creation with it’s bright-colored sprinkles coating the cooked bird. But apparently, it tastes much better than its candy-colored exterior would lead you to believe.

“The TurDunkin’ was largely delicious,” one reviewer wrote. “It was a bit too salty. I think our kosher salt to normal salt conversion for the brine was off. The Coolatta only penetrated the outer reaches of the white meat, but it was delicious and subtle in those places…  The mashed browns were pretty good. Basic and potatoey. Anyway, I was very happy with the turkey, the glaze and sprinkles, and the stuffing.”

Another reviewer said the meal transported them to a far-off, awful world, but they still went back for seconds and more.

“While the first several bites were delicious, I quickly descended into a hell for the gluttonous that would be beyond the imaginings of pedestrians like Dante,” they wrote. “That having been said I had several servings.”

How To Make a TurDunkin’

The recipe is fairly straight forward, according to the blog.

Add four cups of kosher salt to 1.75 gallons of water. Add 3 bay leaves, 3 cinnamon sticks, 1 32-oz Dunkin’ Donuts orange Coolatta and 1 32-oz Dunkin’ Donuts Strawberry Coolatta. Bring to a boil. Leave the turkey in the brine overnight.

For the stuffing, cut 50 Munchins in half and roast them for 10 minutes at 450 degrees. Cut up a large red onion and saute in four tablespoons of butter. Add the munchkins to the saute, along with two tablespoons of dried sage and a cup of vegetable broth.

Stuff the turkey and rub it with sea salt. Cook for two-and-a-half hours at 325 degrees, basting with butter throughout. Then flip and roast for 90 minutes breast-side up.

The chefs also glazed the turkey with the ingredients of a Dunkin’ Donuts glazed donut. That’s “1 lb confectioner’s sugar, 1/3 cup corn syrup, 1/4 cup water, 1/4 tsp agar and a squirt of lemon juice,” they wrote. Bring that to a simmer.

Once the internal temperature of the turkey reaches 175 degrees, remove it from the oven and coat in the glaze. Top that with sprinkles, and voila, you’ve created a centerpiece dish your family will be talking about for years to come.

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