Olympic National Forest Tourist Rescued After Falling Head-First Into Pit Toilet

by TK Sanders

A woman at Olympic National Forest found herself in the crappiest of all situations after an attempted cell phone retrieval went awry.

On April 19th, btwo local rescue teams responded to an emergency call from a woman near the top of Mt. Walker in the Olympic National Forest. When rescuers arrived, they likely had to pinch their nostrils shut both to avoid the smell and contain their laughter.

According to Field and Stream, the grown woman fell into a vaulted toilet trying to fish out a cell phone. Vaulted toilets are much like outhouses — large latrines dug into the ground. They often come with some sort of crude permanent structure built around them.

The story unfolds like a comedy of errors. First, the woman made the severe, yet understandable mistake of playing with her phone in an outhouse. The stakes are high when relieving yourself in a dark, stagnant hole on top of a mountain: it’s a stop for business, not pleasure, and to even bring the phone out for a minute of scrolling is probably not worth the extra time spent hovering over the hole. Next, she dropped the phone through her legs and into the great beyond. A sad, unfortunate situation, no doubt, but one we’ve all faced in some personal way. Sometimes that phone is just gone forever.

Rescuers at Olympic National Forest likely thought they had seen it all on the job … until the latrine lady came to town, of course

The woman at Olympic National Forest decided to tempt fate and retrieve the phone from the excrement by “dismantling” the toilet seat around the hole and giving it a reach. When that plan failed, she tried using her dog’s leash to “fish” it out. Again, no dice. Finally, the woman made the biggest mistake of the afternoon — which is saying a lot considering she stuck an arm in an outhouse hole. She tried to use that dog leash as a pulley to give herself a little extra leverage.

The leash couldn’t support her, and everyone’s collective worst nightmare happened: she fell headfirst into the hole. Luckily, she did find her phone, but couldn’t climb back out of the outhouse. So she did what anybody would do in a sh***y situation, she called 911.

When rescue crews arrived, they found the woman in the unbelievable predicament. Instead of making the rookies hop in and fish her out, the rescue crews passed the woman lengths of wood to help construct a platform. Once out, the woman and her phone received a hose-down and an escort down the mountain. She refused to be identified for media, which was probably her best decision of the entire day.

Rescuers said the woman was “extremely fortunate” to avoid injury or serious health risks from consuming so much toxic gas.